-so this is me today-

So this is me today.
Wondering when will I stop
Referring so much to myself
In these things. It’s not like I need
To refer to myself for the poem
To be about me.
I guess I’m just not confident enough
Yet to let go of this “I”
Who is already someone else
But who I affix myself to anyway.

I want someone to take nude pictures
Of me. Tasteful, but nude.
Not getting younger and I want some
Relics of vanity to hold somewhere
Out of sight, proof maybe to no one
Else but me that I was beautiful
By society’s standards
And had a body like the David.

This is me today. The mona lisa
Is falling apart and so am I.
Having to remember
I am not this body
Or these memories and yet
Without them I am lost.
My head is a forest
A sea of trees, untold wonders
And terrors to navigate, discover
That I will always be someone else
A liminal figure walking tightrope
Between two worlds.

The Hindus say there are four ages,
Cycling one after the other through time.
Everyone wants me to be who I was
I don’t know who he is.
My mom wants the bouncing baby boy
Back and my friends want me to stay
Alive. I promised to fifty four.
Kali Yuga is the age we are in now
And maybe that’s why I can’t fake
This smile anymore.
I try to smile and sometimes it works
But it hasn’t escaped my notice
I’m walking through the boneyard
Of a dying world.

The age started five thousand years ago
Which means give or take another
427,000 years of this…
I hope reincarnation isn’t linear
How much death does it take
To make the world full of it?
The bones of a dying world
They pile up around me
And I’ve had it up to here.
So this is me today.